not this day again

So much on my mind, I can't sleep.

Hubby's been there for a while.  Should be there, too.  But here I am.  In front of a computer I haven't had on in a while.

There's lots of things I haven't done in a while.  Work out is one of them.  Paying for something I haven't used.  That will be remedied within days.  I'm gaining the weight back.  Easy fix.  I did it once in about six weeks.  I can do it again.

Youth group trip is weeks away.  Can't wait.  I think the in between time will be the death of me.  

Father's Day.  Probably my least favorite day of the year.  Makes me miss my Dad more than usual.  Makes me despise Gary more than usual.  Just another day to throw in my face to say, "Hey...guess what?  You're missing out."

Looked at a "friend's" wedding pictures tonight.  Picture of her and her dad laughing their heads off.  So jealous.  

Very grateful for the men God has brought into my life to fill some of those blanks.  Yet, I still miss him.

Any guy can make a child.  But, it takes a man to raise one.  A truly great man takes on the task of raising another man's responsibility.  Tom did that for me.  And I truly thought he'd get to be a part of my life for a lot longer than he did.  Wanted him to walk me down the aisle.  

There are so many times that I look at my husband, and realize how much my dad would have loved him.  

Jason was grilling tonight, and I looked outside.  I could just picture them standing by the grill enjoying a beer together, and just waiting for the meat to finish.  

I can hear his laugh in the back of my head.  Such a unique laugh.  

As I sit here, tears streaming down my face, I can hear him telling me, "Goose, suck it up."  He wouldn't want me "wasting tears" on him.  Not really sure he fully realized just how much I loved him.  How much I appreciated all he tried to and did do.  He always thought he embarrassed me.  So not true.  Sometimes being a teenager brings out the worst in yourself.  And those that truly matter get hurt in the process.

I think about all that I would say to him right now.  But, I don't think there would be a lot of words.  Honestly, I just wish I could wrap my arms around him, and tell him again that I love him.  Tell him that he was one of my favorite people on Earth.  Nobody was perfect, and I didn't expect him to be.  I didn't expect him to be anything more than who he was.

Growing up, his favorite answer for me was, "We'll talk about it over a beer when you're older."  I'm ready to have that talk.  I would do anything to have that talk.  

I made fresh salsa yesterday w/ a tomato and two fresh avocados.  As I ate it for dinner tonight, how I wished to share it with him.  Actually, wished I could have him make it, because it would have been better.

Its been almost six and a half years since my dad passed away.  I can't remember who told me it would get easier.  But.....they lied.  It gets different.  But, it never gets easier.  

Deep down I know my dad is proud of me.  Part of me wonders if this is where he pictured me being.  But, the only thing he wanted for me was to be happy.  And to be the best at whatever made me happy.  And, I'm definitely getting there.  

I think back to the song that played at Jason and my wedding.  "One More Day," by Lonestar.  If I had that one more day...part of it would be spent cruising around in my car.  He would love my car.  Yes, I'd have to clean it out first.  But, he'd probably help, and tease me every second.  Actually, no.  He'd throw all the junk in the back seat.  Its what he always did in the truck.

As, I look over at my dog sleeping on the couch, I think about how much Dad would love him.  Woodie wouldn't leave his side...feet...whichever.  

Oh, how I need to see him.  Hopefully, one day.

One day.

today...thats what day it is

So, I've been very lax in doing posts.  Life has caught up with me.  I have two jobs now, and have been working A LOT more than I used to.  Youth group has hit full speed.  We're less than three months away from going to New Orleans.

I have still been working out here and there.  Haven't gained the weight back, but have lost some of the muscle.  Definitely got to get back in the swing of things.  I am going to start sitting down with my work schedule every week and mapping out when I'm going to go to the gym.

I have to.  Otherwise, I'm never going to get to my goal.  Got to get back to eating more strictly.  I take my lunch to work, so it shouldn't be an issue.  Time to be more disciplined again.

I am fully happy with the way my life is.  Definitely think the working out will make things even better.  If that is possible.  I adore my job at Best Buy.  Adore.  Its fun, challenging, and rewarding.  Love having bosses that have my back and give me opportunity.  Church is starting to settle with the drama.  Jason and I are finally in a rhythm.  While we're out of the honeymoon stage, and aren't getting along 100% of the time, we work.

Time to get down to work.  It will start Monday :).

Day 89

So, I think I've set into a groove.  I'm still losing weight little by little.  Some of my jeans that haven't seen the light of day in a while, have made their way out of the closet.  Its been good to see them. 

But, in other news, on the job front...........I GOT A JOB!!!  Its part-time at the ball park here in Jackson.  I am ushering for the 2010 Diamond Jaxx season.  So, a lot of things flag on this one.  Part-time.  Temporary.  The Jaxx very rarely hire full-time positions from the street.  I'm hoping to land something by the end of the summer.  I'd love to be added to their regular staff. 

So, now comes the shopping.  I need new sneakers, khakis pants/shorts, and other random things.  But, I have time for some.  These aren't things I have to get all at once.

Many have asked about the Nissan position.  My 2nd interview was scheduled for 10am Friday.  They called me after 9am to tell me they filled the position Thurs, and told me not to bother showing up.  I was furious. 

Anytime Fitness called me and said they had narrowed all the current applicants down to me and one other person.  However, they're still accepting applications.  So, we'll see from them.  Hopefully I hear from them by Wednesday, because I have a 3rd interview with Best Buy.  I think I'll get offered that job, but who knows.  But, I would prefer to have the gym job. 

I am definitely seeing some light at the end of the tunnel :). 

Until next time...

Day 81

I had a job Wed that blew me away.  What an opportunity.

There's a gym opening in Milan, which is about 20 minutes from my house.  I WANT TO WORK HERE SO FLIPPING BAD!!!!!  On my way to the interview, I couldn't help but start making marketting plans in my head.  After the interview I'm frustrated beyond belief. 

The owner told me I gave a good interview.  I was me.  I couldn't help but be anything but me.  Michael (the owner) was hard.  He kicked my butt...and loved it.  HARD.  But he's got A LOT of money invested in this place, so I totally get it.  However, holy crap.  He was thorough.  He was specific.  However, he coached me through the whole thing.  While, this probably makes no sense whatsoever......I WANT THIS JOB!!!! 

For those who've talked to me since I've been working out.  There's so much I could eventually see myself doing.  I think this could be the first step.  However, he wants someone that is a "good fit."  You know...business experience w/ a personal training license.  I want to get my certification in personal training.  I want to work with people in the field of wellness.  Oh, how I want this job!!!!!

Michael told me over and over not to kick myself and get frustrated.  But, those that know me realize that I can't help it.  I've replayed this interview over and over again in my head.  I just want to get to do it again.  I want it so bad I can't see straight.  Michael would be a fantastic boss.  So will Lisa.

I think the part that frustrates me, is that it felt like I had the job in the bag.  Yet, once again, I get the, "we still have some more interviews to do."  AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGH!!!

And on another hand...I had an interview today at the Nissan dealership here in town.  I'd be a Sales Writer. People tell me why they brought their car in.  I put it into the computer, and the tech checks out their vehicle. The tech comes back and tells me whats wrong.  I convince the customer what to do to their vehicle. 

The lady who told Jason about the job (to tell me) said it was full time with benefits.  Full time.  Benefits.  After the interview (that took less than 10 minutes), it sounds like a fantabulous position for me.  Maybe this is why I haven't had any luck.  Maybe this is the position I was supposed to have.  This is definitely something I would be successful at.  

I think I got the job.  I have to talk to my interviewer's boss theoretically on Monday.  She's going to call me back to let me know when.

This is crazy to me.  I found a job that I think will be perfect, and the same day God drops one in my lap.  Basically hands it to me on a silver platter.  Just another lesson in what we think is best, isn't always. 

I googled the heck out of the job, and it doesn't appear to have been publicly posted yet. They're open from 7:30-5 Mon-Fri, 8-1 Sat.  This would be perfect for Wed nights.  Definitely not a time frame where I'd have to rush to church.  Seemed like people I'd enjoy working with.  Did I mention it'd be good money?

Until next time...

Day 75

Well, there I go letting my blog go. I am not letting myself go yet. Or my goals. The snow kicked my butt, and made me get cabin fever. It seems that just when we got the first batch of snow to melt, the second batch came to take its place. Was definitely nice to build a snowman, HOWEVER Woodie does NOT like snow...


To make a long story short...I'm officially ready for spring.

Things have picked back up with church. Bill's been busy with work, so I've been running the show. Been fun getting to know the kids. Definitely get to see some of their colors they normally hide when "real" adults are around. Tomorrow (today) is Acolyte training at church. Should have eight or nine kids. Pretty excited about it. Definitely put quite a few man hours into planning this. Its the first opportunity to get to "re-prove" myself, so to speak. It would be awesome if the kids would fly right tomorrow.

Back in the gym hardcore. Been trying some new things. Trying to switch it up to see how my body responds. Been hitting it hard on those ab bench things; making myself use the one with an incline. Cut down my cardio a little, but have been hitting the weights harder. Trying to really focus on my abs, and back. Since using the ab bench, I have noticed my entire back is sore. Not painful. Just sore. I can tell the muscles are getting stronger.

I'll start measuring again next week. Had some really great leads for jobs. Hopefully something will come of one or two of them. There's a new gym hiring, and I'd LOVE that. I would appreciate all prayers.

Until next time...

Day 63--February 1st

Ok...Snow sucks at life.  I have been griping all winter about not getting any of the white dust.  If I start doing it ever again...tell me to shut my trap.

I've got cabin fever worse than ever.  I can't go to the gym.  I couldn't go to Nashville.  I love my husband more than anything.  However, we've been stuck around each other basically non stop for five days.  I don't drink a lot, especially since I started working out.  But, I want a Smirnoff or something similar.  And, guess what...there are none in this house...BOOOOO! 

Did I mention I haven't been to the gym since Thurs?  Its driving me nuts.  The elliptical is calling my name.  I refuse to measure myself this week.  I flat out refuse.  I will again next week.  Don't think I've gained weight while being cooped up, but I don't want to see if I have hahaha.

Plus, to make matters worse for my mood...I'm PMSing so bad I can't see straight.  Totally feel sorry for Jason.  Everything is ticking me off.  I need to take some aggression out on the weights soon.  Hopefully that can happen tomorrow.

Pretty excited about Sunday's big game!!  GO COLTS!  Got a few friends coming over.  Especially excited about Jamie coming.  Will be good to see him, plus he's going to go work out with me, and give me pointers.  Hopefully he has some tricks up his sleeve.

Until next time...

Day 57--January 26th

Tuesday.  Which means I'm supposed to measure myself.  Which I will, later.  So, expect measurements posted tomorrow.  Good news, I got my laptop cord in last week.  Which means, I'm, once again, on the couch playing with my computer.  But, that makes me happy.  I've missed it so.

Its been a good two weeks. A hard ones, but decent.  Something I've noticed is that my weight fluctuates more than a politician.  My body is still melting, but its not always showing up on the scale.  I'm not eating crazy things.  I'm sticking to the 15-1600 calorie thing.  I'm eating healthy.  Trying to eat a lot of fruit and veggies. 
Weighed in last week for the competition.  We'll see how that goes.  Based on the blog...it appears I'm in first place.  A friend had surgery...and is recovering...so she is probably losing a substantial amount of weight.  So, I foresee her winning.  Which is ok by me.

I'm still in the gym 4-5 days a week.  Usually five.  And I keep pushing myself.  I am getting more and more in shape, stronger, and just plain healthier.  I have more energy.  And thats what its all about, right?  Not numbers on a scale.  A friend, whose an expert on these things, told me that my hard work was paying off.  She said keep fighting, and the "fat" will come off.  So, I continue the grind. 

Had a few interviews past few weeks.  Hoping something comes of them soon.  Interviewing at the Holiday Inn Thurs.  That would be great for us, because Jason could get a discount on hotels when he travels.  Not to mention I'd have a job haha.  Plus, I think I could make the schedule I want there.  I think.

I have really had this song on my mind past few weeks.  I listen to it at least three times in a row when I lift weights.  I'll leave these as my closing words.  Until next time...

"Voice Of Truth"

Oh what I would do to have

The kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in

Onto the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone

To the realm of the unknown where Jesus is

And He's holding out his hand

But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me

Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed

The waves they keep on telling me

Time and time again. 'Boy, you'll never win!'

"You'll never win"

But the voice of truth tells me a different story

And the voice of truth says "Do not be afraid!"

And the voice of truth says "This is for My glory"

Out of all the voices calling out to me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Oh what I would do to have

The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant

With just a Sling and a stone

Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors

Shaking in their armor

Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me

Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed

The giant keeps on telling me

Time and time again "boy, you'll never win!

"You'll never win"

But the stone was just the right size

To put the giant on the ground

And the waves they don't seem so high

From on top of them looking down

I will soar with the wings of eagles

When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus

Singing over me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Day 43--Jan 12th

Gym Day 15
Man...Day 43.  I made this goal over a month ago.  Can't believe it.  15 days of working out in the gym.  Ok.  Eleven.  But, still.  Well, its Tuesday which means its time for me to step up to the plate, and share my tale.  Or on the plate, I should say, and share my tail ;).

CHEST: 40 in (43)

LEFT BICEP: 13.5 in (15)

RIGHT BICEP: 13.5 in (14.5)

WAIST: 36 in (37)

HIPS: 41 in (42)

LEFT THIGH: 23 in (23.25)

RIGHT THIGH: 22.5 in (23)
 
SCALE: 183 (191)
 
In two weeks I'VE LOST TEN POUNDS!!!!!!!  I'm so excited I can't see straight.  I was cleaning house yesterday, and was onto my bathroom.  I stepped up on the scale, because it was in my way.  Well, I happened to look down and saw some numbers I haven't seen in a while.  I was overjoyed.  Talking to my mom, I had to put the phone down, and stand normal.  And there it was 183.0.  I'm out of the 190s, and I'm NOT going back.  I was just so thrilled I couldn't stand it.  Ok, enough celebrating, because I haven't reached the goal yet.
 
The only frustrating thing right now is that the fat from my stomach isn't leaving!!!!  SO FRUSTRATING.  My legs are getting pretty toned again.  My arms are on their way.  But this gut won't leave.  Its starting to look different, which leads me to believe there are muscles developing underneath.  Maybe it will start disappearing soon.  I've already lost an inch, so thats a good sign.  Glad Marie had the idea to do measurements.
 
So, I've learned somethings in the past few days studying labels.  A lot of these "weight loss" dinners suck at life.  They're high in sodium.  Do you know what feeds on sodium?  FAT!  So, I started searching for something else.  Banquet dinners, surpringly enough, are your best bet.  Of course, some of them are uber high in calories, but some aren't.  I had a chicken pasta dinner yesterday for under 300 calories.  Plus, it didn't have the wopping "high in sodium" bad point, that most of these dinners do.  It had a reasonable amount based on its size.  Plus, it was delicious.
 
Well, I have some job prospects that I have to go see about today.  Got pretty good feelings about these.  Hoping to be working soon, and not being the little house wife very much longer.  Then its off to the gym to finish everything up by 5:15 so I can go to the Abs Class.  Haven't been in a few days, need to hit it back up. 
 
Thanks for the support, and continuous prayers.  Until next time ;)

Day 41--Jan 10

Today just doesn't feel like Sunday.  Missed church which has thrown my whole day off.

I drug my butt to the gym anyways.  Man, did it make me go UGGGGGGGGGGGH!  But, it was necessary.

I'm learning things that I would think would be low calories, well aren't.  And vice versa.  And I am learning how to proportion my meals to get maximum energy.

Seems like a lot of people aren't following through on their goals.  Less people are showing up to the gym.  Etc. 

I've been at this for two weeks (as of tomorrow) at the gym.  I have learned quite a few things:

1) My Michael Jackson playlist has to be the best cardio workout music EVER.  I love that "Don't Stop Til You Get Enough," is what plays on the last few minutes of my workout.
2) Casting Crowns is the best weight lifting music.
3) The old guy at the gym who, when he's asked why he works out so hard, says, "If I don't take care of myself, my kids will have to."  He's an inspiration, and I love seeing him there. 
4) Its doubtful Tues will ever be my rest day.  Watching the people on Biggest Loser push me to get off my butt and go do my 25 minutes of cardio and my weight training.
5) My legs will forever get toned faster than any part of my body.  I love and hate that all at the same time.
6) I need one of those arm iPod thingies (eBay will probably be getting some business soon for one, thanks to my amazing husband :) )  Unless, someone has one to fit a 1st Gen Nano they want to sell me for cheap cheap.

Going out and hitting it hard looking for a job tomorrow.  I'm revisting some places I've already been and doing another application.  I'm revisting other places I've already been, and checking in.  I'm ready to work.  Jackson residents, know of anything:  holla at your girl.

Until next time...

Day 39

Today...well.  Has not been my day.  It was an annoying day, to say the least.  Well, it kind of started Wednesday night after I left Chilis.

First things first, I have finally made a girlfriend here in Jackson.  You have no idea what an amazing thing that is for me.  I have the best group of friends back in Nashville and in Indiana.  FANTABULOUS people.  But, when I moved to Jackson I had to leave them all it behind, and that broke my heart.  I could get at least one of my posse on a moments notice in Nashville to go do something when I needed it:  sushi, retail therapy, a movie, something.  And to top it all off, I worked with most of them.

Being here in Jackson w/ my best friend...aka my husband...is great.  I love him.  I love being around him.  And he's introduced me to some people.  But, it seems I just don't fully click w/ these people on a "girlfriend"/posse level.  Yeah, they're people you have over for dinner, etc, every once in a while.  But, I don't see myself calling them up on the phone to vent to, and I know they're not going to be calling me.

Anyways, I got to have dinner with Jenni and her awesome boyfriend Phillip.  Plus, I got to meet one of her friends Ashley.  Was a lot of fun, and the closest thing to Nashville I've had since...well my posse was here.

I digress.  Someone who will remain nameless (and no its not Jason), decided to give me two kinds of Hades about going and hanging out.  Got a speech on how things are different when you're married, and you have to make mature, rational decisions.  I got the third degree for skipping on going to the gym, to go to Chilis. 

NEWSFLASH:  #1 My husband has to go out of town AT LEAST 25% of the year.  That leaves me home ALONE with a weiner dog.  Guess what?  While a great companion, Woodie doesn't exactly talk back about happenings of the world.  If my husband doesn't have a problem with it, you shouldn't either.  #2  I work out 5 days a week.  There are seven days in a given week.  That means I get two days off!!!!!!  Most of the sites I'm researching on say to work out 3-4 days a week.  And I'm doing 5.  So, if I miss a day or two at the gym.......don't ask questions.

Then, I go to work out tonight, and all of Lambuth University's baseball team is working out.  They were less than eloquent.  I finally just rushed through my workout and got out of there.  I'll hit it extra hard tomorrow and Sunday.  And, before a certain someone even thinks it, I still had a good workout, but just didn't get to do everything I wanted.

There's so much more to this, but I don't even have the brain cells left to put it into legible sentences. 

I'm frustrated.  And, now can't sleep.  WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Until next time.

Day 37

Well, yesterday was a weird day for me in this whole process.  I waited for Jenny to get off, so I'd have someone to work out with.  Turned out she was too tired.  Well, I decided I wasn't going to the gym.  Then, I started my DVR'd recording of Biggest Loser and saw these 300+ people riding on stationary bikes the equivalent of a marathon, so I got off my butt and went to the gym to do ride my 10 min, and run 15 on the elliptical.  Don't care what anyone says negative, that show is inspiring.  End of story.

Well, I did my cardio and it hurt the first 5 min.  My body was tired, and the gym was the last place I wanted to be.  Did my weights.  Had someone inform me I was using one of the ab machines wrong.  Ginger had told me it was one of the hardest machines when you were first starting back working out.  I had thought it was easy.  First time using it right I was like, "OMG!"  I'm still feeling a bit of a burn today. 

The soreness has seemed to go away for the most part, but I can still feel where I've worked out.  Probably going to try to bump up on the reps in the next week or so.  I already have on a few of the machines, but I think I'll be doing it on the rest, too.

So, I was watching TV after I got home last night, and I went to scratch my shoulder.  Well, I had to somewhat flex, I guess, to get to it.  Guess what?  I have a muscle buldge there.  It made me smile all over.  I then, of course, had to flex my arms.  I'm starting to see a developing crease.  That makes me smile all over.  I just wish my abs would catch up.

I'm having problems with getting hungry later at night.  I know I don't need to bump up my fiber.  Maybe I need to bump up protein...not sure.  Maybe I just need to eat a heartier dinner.  I'm eating like a bird, no joke.  But its all healthy.  I think my body may still be used to all the junk that just coats your stomach.  I'll give it another week, and then we'll see.

I have had some people "add" me, so to speak, on the Calorie website.  There's a 23 year old newlywed thats in the same boat as I am.  Hopefully, we'll be able to help each other out.

Heading to church tonight since we don't have snow yet.  Got a Sunday School meeting.  Hopefully it doesn't start snowing until after I get home.

Until next time..

Day 35

CHEST: 43 in
LEFT BICEP: 15 in
RIGHT BICEP: 14.5 in
WAIST: 37 in
HIPS: 42 in
LEFT THIGH: 23.25 in
RIGHT THIGH: 23 in

Not anywhere near where I want to be.

Had an utter blessing given to me!!  God is so good!  There is a weightloss competition going on in Jackson.  The proceeds go to support the building of a Christian children's home in Mexico.  Well, obviously we couldn't afford for me to enter.  A mystery saint paid for my entry!!!  The competition goes until March 1st, and the winner gets 100 bucks.  Now, I have even more incentive to work REALLY hard. 

Went to the abs class today.  Totally kicked my butt!  After the weigh-in at Natural Affects (if you're interested in doing the competition...there's another weigh in tomorrow just email me to let me know you're wanting to go!), I went back to the gym for cardio dance class.  They started the new Zumba thing.  Its basically a latin cardio dance class.  Fun, but different than the last class.  Did my lower body weights and called it a day.

I'm pooped, which is a good thing, I think.  Bought one of those food scales, and a hand juicer from Walmart today.  Should help me keep track of how much I'm eating easier.

Love to you all.  Ciao.

Day 34

Well, I'm learning some lessons in this whole journey. Also being reminded of some things I already knew.

First things first. I'm only using one scale, and am not going to weigh myself more than once a week. Gram bought me a fabulous scale, and I'll be using it, period. None of this using the one at the gym...using the one at home. Weighing myself at random times. The only good thing that comes of it has been that I work harder at the gym.

A reminder of my Ploetz health class days: MUSCLE WEIGHS MORE THAN FAT! So, when I hop on that scale this week and I notice that all I'm doing is gaining weight, I have to remind myself that I've been kicking my own butt in sessions. The muscle will come before the fat goes.

Plus, I know I've been working hard. The more soreness; the harder you're working. Something else the gym teachers used to tell us.

I've found that I enjoy the elliptical machine, sit-down bike thing, and power walking around the indoor track for cardio. Eventually I'll be jogging, but I'm just not ready for that yet. I also enjoyed my cardio dance class, though it KICKED my butt. And the weights are what they are. The ab machines and I are not friends, but I think we can warm up to each other. However, I know we will always have a harsh relationship lol.

This week I'm going to try out the ab class, and see how that goes. Jenni went and said it was fun, and not too terribly tough. The lady that teaches it isn't a "20 something flighty w/ no body fat whatsoever chick," so thats a perk. I love my cardio dance teacher Mary Beth who is 20 something, because she was very positive unlike most teachers I've experienced in the past at Y. This is hard for me. I have to make myself go to these classes on top of doing my normal workout. Don't be mean or rude, because I'm trying dangit! Mary Beth put it best, "Don't focus on everyone else, or 'screwing up.' This is your workout. Get your burn and sweat on."

I really appreciate the positive reaction I'm getting from people.  Especially my husband, who is putting up w/ my comments about how many calories are in certain foods, etc.  Its very inspiring and supportive.  I truly believe I can do this!!! Despite what the Calorie Count website says, I'm going to tone up by July...NOT December :).

Reflecting on 2009, Day 32

Welcome, 2010. You have big expectations to live up to.

So, I got to reflecting on this past year...a lot happened for me!

January 30th, Jason asked me to marry him. Fantabulous memory. He had come to town to celebrate Lex's birthday that night. I wasn't ready when he got to my apartment, and was insisting we needed to go for a walk in Bicentennial Park *behind my building*. After finally getting over there, we went for a walk around the park where the concrete county spots are along the path. Stopping at Madison County, I noticed Jason was reading the dot, and I was just wanting to get on with the walk because the sun was starting to set. I heard Jason say, "Alison, you know I love you right..." "Psssh ye--," I don't get my full answer out because I looked and he was down on one knee. Fabulous!!

June 4th was my last day at a job I had grown to love for two years. BB Kings was the place I got to see my extended family at least 5 days a week. I had the best boss on Earth, who always had her ninjas' backs. There were down times, and some pretty great times to balance it out. All in all, I loved that place, and had a hard time leaving it.

June 12th was my last day in a city that made me grow up. Nashville was my Mecca, so to speak, to get away and figure some things out. It took me three years to do it, but I did. Did I figure everything out? Not even close. But, I did realize that God was number #1, friends I call family; and family I call friends #2, and my sanity #3. My sanity used to be far down that totem pole, but I learned if I didn't take care of myself, no one else would either. I remember laying in bed the night before I moved, thinking I had lost my mind. I FREAKED for about 2 minutes. It was hard for me to make legitimate friends when I had moved to Nashville. I had made some FABULOUS friends in Nashville; three of which were going to be bridesmaids. I knew I could make friends in Jackson, too.

I moved to Jackson, with the idea I had a job lined up. Not so much, and have been unemployed ever since. Not exactly the ideal condition for me. I like my independence. I like being able to take care of myself. I think God was trying to teach me some humility. Lesson learned.

After a lot of headache, stress, and basic fun *literally*, our wedding was finally planned. Sept. 5th arrived much more quickly than I had anticipated, and the wedding party arrived with it. We had a great rehearsal that took F-O-R-E-V-E-R! There was some drama throughout the day, but it finally hid its nasty head long enough to have a great day Sept 6th. It was a perfect day for me! Dannielle, Blayke, and Sarah all slept in the spare bedroom. At 6:38 when my favorite 2 year old went hoofin' it through the living room, "Where A-ison? Where she go?" I almost died. But, I got up and went and crawled onto the bed w/ my girls just like old times. As of Fall of 2010, we'll have been best friends for 15 years. Thats crazy to me. We went to breakfast at Doubletree after church. I had to drag myself to 8am service, but I'm glad I did! Blayke barely shut up, but he really is the best kid. What a blessing it was to see all the people who came! There was about 150 people, which is amazing to me. Plus, I am one of the lucky few that get to marry their best friend. Jason and I have always been concerned with making our friendship work first. Then the rest usually falls into place.

Around Thanksgiving I couldn't help but look back over the last eleven months. When I first moved to Nashville I lost over thirty pounds within a few months. I was working at the YMCA, and had a membership as a employee perk. I worked out almost everyday. I went from being a size ten to almost a five. Well, over the course of the next few years, I gained it all back plus a few pounds. That just didn't work for me. I watched Biggest Loser, and was determined to not turn into one of those Southern wives that get married and let themself go. Again, I have to take care of me before I can take care of anyone else.

So, I made the decision to lose 40ish pounds by July. Its already starting to be a hard journey. I have to find a full-time job by February so that I can continue going to the gym. I know the Lord will provide according to His will, so I must keep waiting and trusting.

I know this is going to be a big year for me. Obviously, a new job will be a new journey. I hope to be back to school in August. Being involved with youth group is taking me to New Orleans in July!! Plus, I'll be continuing the journey of the first year of marriage. I look forward to everyday getting to know him and growing together more and more. Jason is honestly a great husband.

Until next time...